A Geek-End Weekend August 2008.

This is an old Geek-end Weekend, only now being written about.  Myself, the one and only Kevin Hellions, was joined by Sweet Matty Treats, Krone Meltzer, and the Educator of Excellence to go see some WWE and UFC action.  Along the way we were joined by the Raptor and this version of Team Hellions went to Syracuse NY for a Smackdown/ECW house show.
First stop was the Carousel mall to see if we ran into any WWE Superstars out killing time before the show.  Last time we were in Syracuse for a show there was a wrestler near by every time you turned your head.  Kane was signing autographs at Best Buy.  Kristal Marshall, Jimmy Wang Yang and Paul London were shopping.  Team Hellions walked behind Kristal for the entire length of the mall.  And it was well worth it.  Mark Henry and Marcus Cor Von were walking the mall together, parting the crowd like Moses did the Red Sea.  I summoned up the courage to shake Mr. Cor Von’s hand and tell him what a huge fan I am.  Unfortunately I closed my hand too quickly and bent his fingers back for a very uncomfortable handshake.
But this time there were no wrestlers to talk to, nor any autograph signings.  I bought some comics, we all had a little bit to eat and were off to the show.
Well, half of the show at least.  Because after seeing talented wrestlers such as Evan Bourne, the Brian Kendrick, Shelton Benjamin and Jeff Hardy we were treated to a half hour classic… between Mike Knox and Finlay.  While both are talented wrestlers, this was not the match that anyone wanted to see.  Maybe for 5 minutes, but no longer than 6.  Much less 30.  The match didn’t seem to ever end.  No classic British catch as catch can wrestling from Finlay.  No brawling from Mike Knox.  No response from the crowd.  Which we led.  You see, for every match up until this one Team Hellions led the slow claps.  We rallied behind the faces and motivated them to make dramatic come backs.  But even our magical hands could not save Finlay.
The match was thankfully over and we were ready for… intermission!  …the fuck?  Really?  We had a UFC PPV to watch.  Brock Lesnar!  Realizing that this was a house show no one cared about, even the wrestlers were playing it safe and being, lets face it, boring, we left the show early to travel to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch some UFC.  We arrive at 930, the show starts at 10 and we see three free tables.  Things are looking up.  We’re number 5 on the list, but with 3 free tables this shouldn’t take long at all.  Many minutes go by and no one has been seated.  Finally we ask, why is no one sitting there?  “Oh, some wrestlers put down $500 per table to hold them so they can watch Brock Lesnar.”  We’re now confused.  Do we leave, realizing we’ll never get a seat and eat tonight.  Or do we stay, and see some wrestlers?  We stayed.  Standing for two hours for this moment.  “Mr. Dykstra, your table is over here.”  Sweet Matty Treats leads the way for Kenny Dykstra and Victoria!  More wrestlers follow.  The Hardys and MVP were shown to their table by us.  And then we stood.  What now?  Brock’s fight came on, he won, and we left.  For Denny’s.  Slow Joe was our waiter, forgetting things like spoons, forks, and our drinks.  He tried but the kid wasn’t right in the head.  Another waitress kept apologizing for him and offered to switch tables so she could wait on us.  Not a problem we said, because then we would have to leave a tip.  Dammit, tips are to be earned, not expected!  Slow Joe receives a few dollars and a half.  Litterally a half, as the Educator tore a dollar in two and left half of it there.
We leave for home, defeated men.  No great wrestling, no great food, no great UFC.  But we had the memories of another Geek-end Weekend.

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Geek-End Weekend Extra. Krone Meltzer reviews 2CW’s Unfinished Business.

2CW Unfinished Business III Results

Ranger Steve and Pete D. Order def. Wyld Stallions
-At the beginning of the match, Order came out and told us that Johnny Law wasn’t here but ended up finding another partner. That’s when he brought out Ranger Steve (should be a future Killer Steve). Together the team of Steve and Order won after they hit a double sandwhich type move onto a Stallion and then hit a double big splash for the victory.

Jason Axe def. Max Bauer
-Great match here actually as Axe really worked on the leg of Bauer before locking him in a sort of Haas of Pain type submission. Axe ended up telling us he wanted the belt and found it unfair that Olsen was getting another title shot.

John Walters def. Isys Ephex
-Portia Perez came out and said something about not wrestling, wasn’t really paying attention to the promo than her. Walters came out and since Dizzie didn’t come to the show (not sure why), Walters said he wanted to face Ephex. The two had big respect for each other, but it was Perez who hit Ephex with the back of the chair in the top of the head, cutting him open the hard way that gave Walters the win. He didn’t seem to happy about it afterwards about winning that way.

Jimmy Olsen, Cheech, Cloudy, and Marcos of NWA Upstate came out next and talked about how tonight they were going to defeat Slyk and all. Olsen threw the belt down and said he was going to piss on the belt, but Slyk came out only to get quad teamed before Olsen tried to beat him down. Slyk fought out of the quad team and went after Olsen, but he wiggled away just in the nick of time.

Alumni Club def. Killer Steves
-Not really the most interesting of matches as I wasn’t big into this one, but they hit an interesting finishing meanuver to defeat the Steves for the victory.

INTERMISSION

ZS3 No Contest J. Freddie
-A great, great match here that saw J. Freddie take an insanely nasty bump by jumping through the ropes only for ZS3 to move and have J. Freddie fly over the barrier and onto the ground. After being down for about a minute, a bloodied Freddie got to his feet and fought back into the ring until Cheech, Cloudy, Marcos, and a returning “Big Rig” Brodie Lee came out and ended the match prematurely. Lee told us tonight, his boot put the final nail in the coffin of 2CW.

2CW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Slyk Wagner Brown (c) def. Jimmy Olsen
-This was a great match and dare I say had the fans more behind it than the main event. After brawling all over the crowd and all, Slyk ended up winning with his powerbomb on Olsen to retain the belt and it’s possession. Jason Axe interfered here to help Slyk retain, but afterwards the belt at his feet.

2CW vs. NWA UPSTATE – ELIMINATION MATCH: LOSING COMPANY CAN’T RUN A SHOW FOR 90 DAYS FOLLOWING 1/1/09
Brodie Lee, Cheech, Cloudy, Marcos def. Hellcat, J.D. Love, Loca Vida, Brian Fury
-A hell of a match that saw Love, Loca, and Fury all go down before it looked like Hellcat was going to rejoin Upstate. After doing the clique thing in the ring, he pinned Cloudy, then Cheech, Marcos and it came down to him and Lee. It took three boots by Brodie to keep him down, but it did.

Afterwards, Patterson got on the mic and asked them if they knew who the fuck he was. He then said they cost him a lot of money and it was time for him to bring HIS boys into the ring. SWB, J. Freddie, ZS3, and I think Axe all came down and cleared house before the show ended.

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Jump the Smarks Episode 11 – Welcome to the Train Wreck.

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In this episode of Jump The Smarks, Team Hellion discuss everything but wrestling. From the Treats failed attempts of trying to get laid, to his love for an indie wrestler. The first roast is set to take place but who will be roasted?? Kevin Hellions comes to a podcast ill prepared? Many questions are proposed but few are answered, except for one involving a glory hole???? Oh god why did i post this episode?

Jump the Smarks extra.

As promised, You Tube videos featuring some of the things we talked about on this week’s episode.

Kizarny.

Scott Hall at the Iron Shiek’s roast.

Jump the Smarks Episode 10 – The New Format

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In this episode of Jump The Smarks, the boys test out the new format to great success. They discuss a range of topics from the variety show that is Monday Night Raw to what to say to piss off Scott Hall. Plus Sweet Matty Treats unveils the official Jump The Smarks theme song!!! Also there are many tasteless jokes about Benoit, Jeff Hardy‘s dog, and suicide? Listen to see what Team Hellion has to say.

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Babe of the Day – Kelly Kelly

Kelly Kelly, wins over the crowd as ECW visits...

Image via Wikipedia

Babe of the Day schedule:

Mondays – Raw – Kelly Kelly

Tuesdays – ECW – Tiffany

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Babe of the Day – Portia Perez

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Image by Hellions Magazine via Flickr

Babe of the Day schedule:

Saturdays – Indies – Portia Perez

Sundays – ?

Mondays – Raw – Kelly Kelly

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