WWE Saturday Night’s Main Event (thoughts and results) August 2, 2008.

Quick Results:

JBL, Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiasie, Kane vs. Cryme Tyme, John Cena and Batista

JBL pins JTG

Great Khali vs. Jimmy Wang Yang

Khali pins Wang

Jeff Hardy vs. Edge

Edge pins Hardy

The “autism” edition of SNME aired tonight, and it was a terrible night for wrestling.  Three matches, one of which featured the Great Khali so… you know.  No ECW, no title matches, no Triple H, no Shawn Michaels, no Undertaker, no Chris Jericho, no Divas, no announcements.  CM Punk still doesn’t have an opponent for Summerslam, one of the biggest PPVs of the year.  If WWE doesn’t care enough about this show to put on anything good, then why should I care?  Well, because I write and run a wrestling site that’s why.  But why should the general public care?  Let’s look at the show in detail:

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are the announcers for the evening.  Excellent choice, as they are arguably the greatest duo in wrestling history.  For the opening match they are joined by CM Punk.  Punk does an acceptable job on the headset, but to further what?  We still don’t know who he’s facing at Summerslam.  There was no highlight video, no hype, no best of, not even a “look at how CM Punk became champion”.  Four of the eight men in this match are not well known main eventers — those that the NBC audience might know — and we’re given no reason to care.  If I’m a casual fan I’ve been given no reason to care about half of the wrestlers, and barely any reason for the other half.

Jim Ross tries to hype various NBC shows to little effect.  If I’m not already watching these (which I’m not) he’s given me no reason to start now.

Jeff Foxworthy, Carmen Electra, and Ben Stiller give pre-taped messages about autism.  Now, how to say this delicately?  Are these the best choices of celebrities for autism awareness?  Characteristics of autism include impaired communication and repetitve behavior.  Well, there are few forms of repetitive behavior more repetitve than repeating “you might be a redneck” jokes for the last 20 years.  Or running on a beach in slow motion, or repeatedly dating men that are bad for you.  As far as impaired communication… well I’ve yet to laugh at a Ben Stiller movie, so apparently there’s some sort of mis-communication between us.

The Great Khali “wrestled” tonight.  This is still a wrestling show, the company is not called World Sports-Entertainment Entertainment.  And what better wrestler than Khali?  I get it, he’s big, he’s a freak of nature.  But so is a person born with an extra arm, or their unborn twin’s face growing out of their skull, and I don’t need to see any of them fighting for a world title.

I’ll give Jenny McCarthy all the credit in the world for the work she’s done with autism over the last couple years.  She went from a dumb pretty blonde to an intelligent woman that has used her fame for a greater good.  While the celebrity help she had tonight was lack luster, she has been amazing all the way.

The Jeff Hardy/Edge match never seemed to click tonight.  They’ve fought many times and had many great matches, but this was a forgettable one.  The best part was MVP’s escape through the crowd.  He viciously attacks Jeff and then politely makes his way through the crowd.  Excuse me, ‘scuse me, pardon me, watch your feet, ‘scuse me.  The heel with so much bling he has a heart of gold.

A disappointing show overall, and yet another reason to view the NBC/WWE experiment as a failure.

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Saturday Night’s Main Event Spoilers (airing August 2, 2008.)

Dark Match:
* Paul London b. Charlie Haas
– London comes out with a new haircut. He got the win after hitting a shooting star press.

* Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler make their way out to ringside.

Saturday Night’s Main Event: (Airing This Saturday)
* CM Punk comes out to a huge pop with the title belt around his waist as he joins Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross.

* JBL, Cody Rhodes, Kane, and Ted DiBiase Jr. b. John Cena, Cryme Tyme, and Batista.
– JBL got the win after pinning JTG.

* A video of Carmen Electra is shown speaking on autism.

* The Great Khali b. Jimmy Wang Yang.
Khali won via pinfall in a squash match.

* A video of Jeff Foxworthy is shown speaking on autism.

* Jenny McCarthy is on her way out to ringside.

* Edge b. Jeff Hardy
Edge got the win with the spear after MVP came out and kicked Jeff in the head.

WWE Night of Champions card and thoughts.

Triple Threat match for the ECW Championship: Kane (c) vs. Big Show vs. Mark Henry
WWE Championship: Triple H (c) vs. John Cena
World Tag Team Championship: Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes (c) vs. Ted DiBiase and TBD
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge (c) vs. Batista
WWE Diva’s Championship: Natalya vs. TBD
This match will inaugurate SmackDown’s WWE Diva’s Championship by determining the first champion.
WWE Tag Team Championship: John Morrison and The Miz (c) vs. Finlay and Hornswoggle
WWE United States Championship: Matt Hardy (c) vs. Chavo Guerrero
WWE Women’s Championship: Mickie James (c) vs. Katie Lea Burchill
WWE Intercontinental Championship Chris Jericho (c) vs. TBD

The biggest question at this point is who will fill the blanks in some of these matches.  Three matches are missing an opponent.  Here are some possibilities:

WWE Divas title:  After this week’s Smackdown Six Diva tag match that Vickie Guerrero paid next to no attention to, I would think that the front runner to face Natalya is Vickie’s “wedding planner”  Alicia Fox.

WWE Intercontinental title:  The big guess is that Shawn Michaels will make a dramatic return to beat down Chris Jericho.  Another possibility would be a heel swerve by Jericho in which he lays down and lets Lance Cade pin him.  In one move, it puts over Cade, gives him a belt to get over, and frees up Jericho to feud over the World title.

World Tag Team Championship:  Assuming Ted Dibiasie’s partner will also be a second or third generation wrestler, there are a few possibilities in WWE.  It could still be DH Smith, and his draft move was just a swerve.  Cody Rhodes could be bought off and turn on Hardcore Holly.  Or, flying under the radar are two other 2nd generation wrestlers.  Deuce, recently traded to Raw, is the adopted son of Jimmy Superfly Snuka.  Also, Jesse from Smackdown is the son of the late Freebird, Terry Gordy.

We’ll find out tomorrow night.

WWE – Who will be Ted Dibiasie’s partner at Night of Champions?

There are, or were, rumors going around saying that Ted DiBiase’s mystery partner at Night of Champions was going to be DH Smith. However, the two haven’t been training together, and what with Smith’s move to the Smackdown brand in the Supplemental Draft earlier today, now it definitely doesn’t look like it’s happening. Additionally, there doesn’t appear to be anyone else on the radar for the role from developmental nor the main roster. This is only speculation, but the best bet for the mystery partner looks to be Cody Rhodes after turning on Hardcore Holly.

WWE Monday Night Raw Results June 23, 2008.

3 Hour Draft Edition of Raw

Live from San Antonio, TX.

Tonight’s password for the McMahon’s Million Dollar Mania is:  Night of Champions

The matches tonight will be interpromotional, the winner of the match gets one draft pick for his/her brand.

Triple H vs. Mark Henry

Triple H wins after hitting the Pedigree on Mark Henry.

Rey Mysterio is drafted to Raw.

Vince McMahon brings out Kelly Kelly, and gives away $100,000

Triple H and Rey Mysterio talk backstage.  John Cena interupts.  Cena and H have words.

Finlay and Hornswoggle vs Santino Marella and Carlito.

Finlay hits a Celtic Cross on Santino, followed up by a Tadpole Splash from Hornswoggle.  Hornswoggle pins Santino.

Jeff Hardy is drafted to Smackdown.

Randy Orton is watching tonight’s show backstage.

Vince brings out Randy Orton, who cuts a short promo.  Vince gives away $100, 000.

Ted Dibiasie joins the announcers for the next match.

Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes vs Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely

Hardcore hits the Alabama Slam on Chavo for the pin.

CM Punk is drafted to Raw.

Chris Jericho trashes Shawn Michaels and introduces Lance Cade to the feud.  Shawn Michaels comes out and goes after Jericho.  Jericho knocks Shawn into the announce table, injuring Shawn’s face even more.

John Morrison and the Miz vs Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder

Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that “in light of recent developments” the match has been changed.  The match is now:

John Morrison and the Miz vs the Hardys

John Morrison rolls up Matt Hardy and hooks the tights for the pin.

Matt Hardy is drafted to ECW.

Vince brings out Ric Flair.  Vince gives away $100,000.

The next match is an “announcers only” draft pick.

Melina and Mickie James vs Natalya and Victoria.

Melina injures herself falling off the ring.  The Divas all brawl on the outside, leading to a double disqualification.  Therefore, both shows get a draft pick.

Jim Ross to Smackdown.

Michael Cole to Raw.

Vince brings out Great Khali.  Vince gives away $100,000.

Edge vs John Cena

Edge and Cena fight outside the ring.  Cena comes back in the ring at the count of 9, Edge doesn’t make the count.  John Cena wins the match by countout.  Batista comes out and briefly fights with Edge.

Batista is drafted to Raw.

Backstage, Vince talks to Edge and Vickie Guerrero.  He reminds Vickie that no matter who is traded tonight, it doesn’t effect the card for Night of Champions.

MVP vs. Tommy Dreamer (with Colin Delaney)

MVP pins Dreamer after a mafia kick.

Umaga is drafted to Smackdown.

Umaga beats down Dreamer and Delaney.

JBL vs. Kofi Kingston

JBL hits the Clothesline from Hell for the pin.

Kane is drafted to Raw.

Vince gives away $100,000 to a random fan who is also in the live crowd.

15 Man Battle Royal.  Winning brand gets two picks.

from Raw: Triple H, John Cena, Kane, Batista, CM Punk

from ECW: Matt Hardy, John Morrison, the Miz, Shelton Benjamin, Chavo Guerrero

from Smackdown:  Big Show, Edge, Great Khali, Jeff Hardy, MVP

Everyone gangs up to eliminate the Great Khali.

CM Punk eliminates Shelton.

Batista eliminates John Morrison and the Miz

Big Show eliminates CM Punk.

Jeff Hardy eliminates Chavo Guerrero.

Matt Hardy eliminates MVP.

Jeff Hardy and Matt Hardy fight.  Jeff eliminates Matt.

Edge and Batista go for spears at the same time, and accidently collide their heads into each other.  Batista gets busted open.

Triple H eliminates Jeff Hardy.

Big Show eliminates Batista.

Big Show eliminates Kane.

John Cena and Triple H eliminate the Big Show.

Edge runs Cena into Triple H, thus eliminating Triple H.  Edge then tosses Cena over the rope and onto Triple H.

Edge is the sole winner, Smackdown gets two draft picks.

Mr. Kennedy is drafted to Smackdown.

Triple H is drafted to Smackdown.

Vince gives away $500,000.  Suddenly, the entire stage collapses, trapping Vince underneath it.  All of the wrestlers still out by the ring rush towards him to try to lift the scaffolding up in order to let the EMTs get to Vince.  Vince is screaming for “Paul” (Triple H) and yelling that he can’t feel his legs as Raw goes off the air.