We’ve moved.

Please visit the staff of Hellions Magazine at our new site, Team Hellions

teamhellions.wordpress.com

Advertisements

A Geek-End Weekend August 2008.

This is an old Geek-end Weekend, only now being written about.  Myself, the one and only Kevin Hellions, was joined by Sweet Matty Treats, Krone Meltzer, and the Educator of Excellence to go see some WWE and UFC action.  Along the way we were joined by the Raptor and this version of Team Hellions went to Syracuse NY for a Smackdown/ECW house show.
First stop was the Carousel mall to see if we ran into any WWE Superstars out killing time before the show.  Last time we were in Syracuse for a show there was a wrestler near by every time you turned your head.  Kane was signing autographs at Best Buy.  Kristal Marshall, Jimmy Wang Yang and Paul London were shopping.  Team Hellions walked behind Kristal for the entire length of the mall.  And it was well worth it.  Mark Henry and Marcus Cor Von were walking the mall together, parting the crowd like Moses did the Red Sea.  I summoned up the courage to shake Mr. Cor Von’s hand and tell him what a huge fan I am.  Unfortunately I closed my hand too quickly and bent his fingers back for a very uncomfortable handshake.
But this time there were no wrestlers to talk to, nor any autograph signings.  I bought some comics, we all had a little bit to eat and were off to the show.
Well, half of the show at least.  Because after seeing talented wrestlers such as Evan Bourne, the Brian Kendrick, Shelton Benjamin and Jeff Hardy we were treated to a half hour classic… between Mike Knox and Finlay.  While both are talented wrestlers, this was not the match that anyone wanted to see.  Maybe for 5 minutes, but no longer than 6.  Much less 30.  The match didn’t seem to ever end.  No classic British catch as catch can wrestling from Finlay.  No brawling from Mike Knox.  No response from the crowd.  Which we led.  You see, for every match up until this one Team Hellions led the slow claps.  We rallied behind the faces and motivated them to make dramatic come backs.  But even our magical hands could not save Finlay.
The match was thankfully over and we were ready for… intermission!  …the fuck?  Really?  We had a UFC PPV to watch.  Brock Lesnar!  Realizing that this was a house show no one cared about, even the wrestlers were playing it safe and being, lets face it, boring, we left the show early to travel to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch some UFC.  We arrive at 930, the show starts at 10 and we see three free tables.  Things are looking up.  We’re number 5 on the list, but with 3 free tables this shouldn’t take long at all.  Many minutes go by and no one has been seated.  Finally we ask, why is no one sitting there?  “Oh, some wrestlers put down $500 per table to hold them so they can watch Brock Lesnar.”  We’re now confused.  Do we leave, realizing we’ll never get a seat and eat tonight.  Or do we stay, and see some wrestlers?  We stayed.  Standing for two hours for this moment.  “Mr. Dykstra, your table is over here.”  Sweet Matty Treats leads the way for Kenny Dykstra and Victoria!  More wrestlers follow.  The Hardys and MVP were shown to their table by us.  And then we stood.  What now?  Brock’s fight came on, he won, and we left.  For Denny’s.  Slow Joe was our waiter, forgetting things like spoons, forks, and our drinks.  He tried but the kid wasn’t right in the head.  Another waitress kept apologizing for him and offered to switch tables so she could wait on us.  Not a problem we said, because then we would have to leave a tip.  Dammit, tips are to be earned, not expected!  Slow Joe receives a few dollars and a half.  Litterally a half, as the Educator tore a dollar in two and left half of it there.
We leave for home, defeated men.  No great wrestling, no great food, no great UFC.  But we had the memories of another Geek-end Weekend.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Geek-End Weekend I.

Geek-end Weekend I

(This is not the first Weekend, not by far, but it is the first one to be written about.  Dates will be provided when and where I can remember them.)

October 24 – October 26, 2008.

On Friday night, the 24th of October, members of Team Hellions made their way to Syracuse, NY.  This was to be a weekend of wrestling, MMA, comics, and general geekiness.  But first, a drive!  Myself – Kevin Hellions, along with Sweet Matty Treats, the Educator of Excellence, and scourge of the Internet Wrestling Community – Krone Meltzer, drove the unheard of distance of 70 miles to see some hot 2CW action.  However, knowing that we would yell and scream for 3 hours of independent wrestling, we knew that food would be required.  What better place to stop than Plainville Turkey Farm?
http://www.plainvillefarms.com/restaurant/

Located in Cicero, NY this buffet style restaurant provides a Thanksgiving style buffet every day of the year.  Turkey, stuffing, potatoes, cranberry sauce, soups, salads, and more.  It was glorious for myself and Treats, we who are known for eating dinner during the Jump the Smarks podcast.  I was enjoying plate after plate of buffet while Treats was trying to get into the waitress’s panties.  (I can only assume he was laying the seeds for a backup should Portia Perez say no to his advances).  Halfway into a large slab of white meat turkey I notice that I am the only one enjoying their food.  Krone is currently cutting weight for his wrestling team.  Perhaps a buffet wasn’t the best idea, but what harm could one meal do?  I look over at the Educator, who has frozen, fork halfway to his mouth, staring at his plate of salad.  What harm could come from salad? There it was, a large flying insect, not native to this country, lodged within the folds of his lettuce.  I wish I could show you a picture of this beast, but none of us took a picture with our phones nor am I willing to wade through the millions of insect species (or so Wikipedia tells me) to figure out what it was.  The Educator politely and calmly points out this invader to the waitress, who Treats is still trying to invade.  Minutes later and a free meal for the Educator means more money for the weekend.

We leave Plainville a little earlier than planned (I for one could have eaten two or three more plates, plus desert), and it was off to the Carousel Mall in Syracuse, NY.  These three stories of retail glory is in the building process of becoming the largest mall in North America.  And it has one fantastic comics shop.  Play the Game, Read the Story always has the comics I’m looking for, and have special ordered products for me many times.  They have gaming nights and frequent special deals.
http://www.playthegamereadthestory.com/

Then it was off to some amazing as always 2CW action.  My friend and fellow Hellion, Krone Meltzer, has posted his thoughts on this already and there is no reason for me to repeat it.  I will say that I have now been to four 2CW shows this year and never once been disappointed.  I walked out on a WWE show this year, I’ve been let down by UFC pay per views, but 2CW has always been worth every penny and then some.

Saturday brought my Christmas, the local library book sale.  Thousands upon thousands of books all for a dollar or less.  Most I’ll never read, but one day sell at the future Hellions store (coming soon!  Well, in the grand scheme of things in the universe it’s soon.  Might still be a few years out.)  However, that didn’t stop myself and the Educator of Excellence from spending a little money on a lot of books.

That evening brought an end to the Geek-end Weekend.  UFC 90 – Silva vs. Cote was on, and we were left… accepting?  I accepted the results but was far from blown away as I usually am for UFC shows.  It didn’t matter that much though, I had a belly full of chicken wings, cheeseburger dippers, and beer thanks to my local Buffalo Wild Wings.  Also, your host and lead Hellion, Kevin Hellions, was interviewed by the local TV station for an upcoming sweeps-month story on the phenomenon that is MMA.

Total cost for the weekend?  Probably close to $150, but worth every cent.  Comics, wrestling, and MMA are my obsessions.  The joke around here at Hellions is that, “if it involves men in tights, we’re there!”  A smart ass, tongue in cheek comment to be sure, but the underlying truth is there.  Where there are comics, wrestling, or MMA of any kind in New York, Team Hellions will be there.

Join us for the next Geek-end Weekend, coming soon. (Lesnar vs. Couture?)

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Jump the Smarks Episode 11 – Welcome to the Train Wreck.

460>_1308420

In this episode of Jump The Smarks, Team Hellion discuss everything but wrestling. From the Treats failed attempts of trying to get laid, to his love for an indie wrestler. The first roast is set to take place but who will be roasted?? Kevin Hellions comes to a podcast ill prepared? Many questions are proposed but few are answered, except for one involving a glory hole???? Oh god why did i post this episode?

Krone Meltzer – UFC 90 Preview (HELLIONS EXCLUSIVE)

After taking a break from UFC 89, Krone Meltzer is back for his homeboys, Hellions Magazine to give my predictions for UFC 90: Silva vs. Cote. Going an even 2-2 after UFC 88 (with Matt Hamill and the left field KO of Chuck Liddell), my record now stands at 5-2.

This next card should be a good one and while many of people don’t see it as a phenomenal card (as it isn’t one), it still has five solid bouts and all of them should be great. Personally, I see all of these fights having a big effect on their weight division rankings and really push people higher or further down the list. With that being said, here is my rundown of the UFC 90: Silva vs. Cote card.

LIGHTWEIGHT BOUT
Gray Maynard vs. Rich Clementi

This is a hard fight for me to call here to start off. While Gray Maynard does own a recent win over Frankie “The Answer” Edgar, it was by a decision, albeit unanimous. As for Rich Clementi, his most recent win NOT by decision was against Melvin Guillard with a rear naked choke. Since then, he has defeated Sam Stout and Terry Etim by decision, nothing to shout about. I don’t see either of these men finishing off their opponent, but it’s going to be a battle. Personally, I see Gray Maynard winning this bout by a unanimous decision as Rich Clementi won’t be able to finish him off at all in this fight.

Winner: Gray Maynard by Unanimous Decision

LIGHTWEIGHT BOUT
Tyson Griffin vs. Sean Sherk

For those of you wondering, this will indeed by Sean Sherk’s first fight since his loss to BJ Penn back at UFC 84, and to be honest, I see this being a normal Sean Sherk fight. Despite the love I have for Tyson Griffin, I have learned my lesson with picking my favorites (thanks Matt Hamill) and clearly see Sherk laying out another victory here. When your record is 32-3 like Sean Sherk and your only losses are to Matt Hughes, BJ Penn, and GSP, that’s saying something. In the same respect, Tyson Griffin holds a powerful 12-1 record with his only loss coming to Frankie Edgar. Either way, I don’t see Griffin winning here as I think Sherk is too dead set on getting his title back and the journey starts at UFC 90.

Winner: Sean Sherk by Unanimous Decision

HEAVYWEIGHT BOUT
Fabricio Werdum vs. Junior dos Santos

This fight should be the second easiest fight of the night to call as Fabricio is coming off two huge wins against both Brandon Vera and Gabrielle Gonzaga. There is no question that he is going to head into UFC 90 with anything on his mind but stopping Junior in the first round. A win here would clearly put him in the running to face the winner of the small Lesnar/Couture/Mir/Nog tournament. I say Werdum punishes Junior dos Santos and gains a big victory that will go a long way here.

Winner: Fabricio Werdum via. 1st Round TKO

WELTERWEIGHT BOUT
Thiago Alves vs. Josh Koscheck

Stepping in for the injured Diego Sanchez is the wrestler himself Josh Koscheck and this right here is what I see as the real fight of the night. Both Koscheck and Alves are ranked in the top 5 at the welterweight division according to mmaweekly. com and are looking for a future title fight with either GSP, BJ Penn, or possibly Jake Shields who if he comes to the UFC would be first in line in my opinion. While Koscheck’s last loss came to GSP, and he has improved since then, the up and coming Thiago Alves is just to impressive in my mind to not give him the nod here. Holding three consecutive TKO victories against Chris Lytle, then Karo Parisyan, and then Matt Hughes, that is really impressive. I see the very same fate for Josh Koscheck, possibly eating another flying knee when going in for a takedown on Alves, giving him the victory here.

Winner: Thiago Alves via. 2nd Round TKO

UFC MIDDLEWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Anderson Silva (c) vs. Patrick Cote

The main event of the evening may be the most lop sided title fight in quite some time. Granted, anything can happen in MMA as proved by Seth Petruzelli knocking out MMA bad boy Kimbo Slice in :14 seconds, but Anderson Silva is FAR from being Kimbo Slice. “The Spider” is going to come out for this fight and continue to prove to the world that he is the best pound for pound fighter. Not taking anything away from Patrick Cote at all, but I don’t know if there is a middleweight walking this planet right now who can beat Anderson Silva. He is just too good right now and too far on top of his game to suffer a loss. With that said, I believe the less said about this fight, the better.

Winner: Anderson Silva via. 1st Round TKO

So that wraps things up for me here as I will surely be back here for UFC 91 when both Brock Lesnar and Randy “The Natural” Couture meet in what is sure to be the biggest fight in UFC history. Be sure to tune into UFC 90: Silva vs. Cote and listen to the Hellions Magazine podcast folks, but until next time, I am Krone Meltzer saying “Take your vitamins, say your prayers, drink your Moutain Dew, eat your chicken wings and one day, you too can be just like Krone Meltzer.” Thank you.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Jump the Smarks episode 9 – Greatest Tag Teams Ever!

On this episode of Jump The Smarks, Team Hellions discusses the greatest tag teams to ever grace the ring. From The Freebirds to The Dudleys to Miz and Morrison??? We also receive our first listener mail. And if you were on google and searched Tag Team, and just happened to find us, lets just say we are happy you came across us…..

ZINGER!!!!!!!!!!

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Jump the Smarks Episode 07 – UFC, WWE, and the Republican National Convention?

In this episode of Jump The Smarks, the boys discuss their love for all things tights. From the WWE to UFC to the RNC to gay porn everything is talked about. Here is a list of jokes made throughout the course of the show…

Sarah Palin’s daughter, Daniel Beniot, Clorious Leechman, Jeff Ross, Kevin’s daily life…

also Kevin takes on a day in his life as there is an UFC and WWE ppv this weekend.