A Geek-End Weekend August 2008.

This is an old Geek-end Weekend, only now being written about.  Myself, the one and only Kevin Hellions, was joined by Sweet Matty Treats, Krone Meltzer, and the Educator of Excellence to go see some WWE and UFC action.  Along the way we were joined by the Raptor and this version of Team Hellions went to Syracuse NY for a Smackdown/ECW house show.
First stop was the Carousel mall to see if we ran into any WWE Superstars out killing time before the show.  Last time we were in Syracuse for a show there was a wrestler near by every time you turned your head.  Kane was signing autographs at Best Buy.  Kristal Marshall, Jimmy Wang Yang and Paul London were shopping.  Team Hellions walked behind Kristal for the entire length of the mall.  And it was well worth it.  Mark Henry and Marcus Cor Von were walking the mall together, parting the crowd like Moses did the Red Sea.  I summoned up the courage to shake Mr. Cor Von’s hand and tell him what a huge fan I am.  Unfortunately I closed my hand too quickly and bent his fingers back for a very uncomfortable handshake.
But this time there were no wrestlers to talk to, nor any autograph signings.  I bought some comics, we all had a little bit to eat and were off to the show.
Well, half of the show at least.  Because after seeing talented wrestlers such as Evan Bourne, the Brian Kendrick, Shelton Benjamin and Jeff Hardy we were treated to a half hour classic… between Mike Knox and Finlay.  While both are talented wrestlers, this was not the match that anyone wanted to see.  Maybe for 5 minutes, but no longer than 6.  Much less 30.  The match didn’t seem to ever end.  No classic British catch as catch can wrestling from Finlay.  No brawling from Mike Knox.  No response from the crowd.  Which we led.  You see, for every match up until this one Team Hellions led the slow claps.  We rallied behind the faces and motivated them to make dramatic come backs.  But even our magical hands could not save Finlay.
The match was thankfully over and we were ready for… intermission!  …the fuck?  Really?  We had a UFC PPV to watch.  Brock Lesnar!  Realizing that this was a house show no one cared about, even the wrestlers were playing it safe and being, lets face it, boring, we left the show early to travel to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch some UFC.  We arrive at 930, the show starts at 10 and we see three free tables.  Things are looking up.  We’re number 5 on the list, but with 3 free tables this shouldn’t take long at all.  Many minutes go by and no one has been seated.  Finally we ask, why is no one sitting there?  “Oh, some wrestlers put down $500 per table to hold them so they can watch Brock Lesnar.”  We’re now confused.  Do we leave, realizing we’ll never get a seat and eat tonight.  Or do we stay, and see some wrestlers?  We stayed.  Standing for two hours for this moment.  “Mr. Dykstra, your table is over here.”  Sweet Matty Treats leads the way for Kenny Dykstra and Victoria!  More wrestlers follow.  The Hardys and MVP were shown to their table by us.  And then we stood.  What now?  Brock’s fight came on, he won, and we left.  For Denny’s.  Slow Joe was our waiter, forgetting things like spoons, forks, and our drinks.  He tried but the kid wasn’t right in the head.  Another waitress kept apologizing for him and offered to switch tables so she could wait on us.  Not a problem we said, because then we would have to leave a tip.  Dammit, tips are to be earned, not expected!  Slow Joe receives a few dollars and a half.  Litterally a half, as the Educator tore a dollar in two and left half of it there.
We leave for home, defeated men.  No great wrestling, no great food, no great UFC.  But we had the memories of another Geek-end Weekend.

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Jump the Smarks Episode 10 – The New Format

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In this episode of Jump The Smarks, the boys test out the new format to great success. They discuss a range of topics from the variety show that is Monday Night Raw to what to say to piss off Scott Hall. Plus Sweet Matty Treats unveils the official Jump The Smarks theme song!!! Also there are many tasteless jokes about Benoit, Jeff Hardy‘s dog, and suicide? Listen to see what Team Hellion has to say.

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Daily Wrestling #1

Vladimir Kozlov Entering The Arena

Image via Wikipedia

Daily Wrestling is where I will write about whatever wrestling I have watched that day.  It might be new, old, DVDs, VHS, downloads, US, Japan, Mexico, women, etc.  It could be one hour or a 24 hour marathon.  Each “issue” will be numbered for my benefit and yours.

Daily Wrestling #1:  WWE Friday Night Smackdown October 3, 2008 and October 10, 2008.

After two weeks of the new Smackdown on MyNetworkTV, I still find the opening to be awful.  Terrible music, and the Smackdown opening has never looked as cool as Raw’s.  Even the ECW opening is interesting.  Maybe it’s the blue color scheme.

Other than each man attacking the other, or hitting finishing moves at random, I’ve been given no reason to care about the Jeff Hardy/ Triple H/ Vladmir Kozlov feud.  Kozlov wants competition, great, but I’ve yet to see him do anything, besides these attacks, to earn a title shot.  A US title shot, maybe, but not a World title.  Also, if he is picked for Cyber Sunday, is this his first PPV appearance?  If so, his first PPV will be in a World title match, that he could possibly win just to shake up the “WWE Universe”.  This isn’t a huge name coming in from another federation, this is an unproven talent that is being forced at the fans.  With a headbutt for a finishing move.  A headbutt.  Even the Samoans don’t use a headbutt as a finisher, and they’re known for having indestructible heads.  I hope in Triple H’s quest to be the greatest ever that he goes over in this match as, “the only man to beat two foes in a Cyber Sunday match”.

Yes, the Big Show has a strong fist.  That and he is also tall, bald, and has a liking for tigers of various colors.  Can we move on with the show now?

Never in my life did I think I would see Mark Henry and The Great Khali making “quick” tags, much less with each other as partners.  Poor Chavo.  Then, in a storyline progression, he’s at Vickie’s side the next week!  Is anyone booked as a weaker human being than Chavo Guerrero?

To R-Truth.  I don’t care to know “what’s up?”  I want you to get to the ring, wrestle an entertaining match, and show the world that you can hang with the likes of Shelton Benjamin and MVP.  Two men that should be receiving your push, as they are great WWE Superstars.  That being said, these three men should either team up or go off into different feuds instead of being the “black portion” of Smackdown.

I’ll write this a lot, but the future of WWE is here now.  Team Priceless vs. the Colons and CM Punk was just one view of it.  Should these kids ever get together backstage it would be a revolution not seen in wrestling since the Kliq.  This could be for good, exciting main events, ladder matches, leading into the Attitude era; or for bad — nWo, quad tears, the end of kayfabe, no wait its back, but there it goes again.

Throughout the October 3 episode the Raw champions looked stronger.  Santino won, Beth won, and CM Punk made the pin for his team (not a Raw champion, but a Raw brand wrestler).  Until the great Triple H comes out with the only pin for the Smackdown side.  Now I understand that with the new network there was a desire to make Smackdown the number one show.  Triple H and Jim Ross were brought over to achieve this goal.  But is making HHH the only force on the roster the best way to go about it?  He’s destroying everyone in his path, and making them look weak.  The Smackdown main event for WrestleMania will have to involve a Raw star switching brands, because by then there will be no legitimate challengers left on Smackdown that the great H has not already defeated.

Kung Fu Naki?  Seriously?

What exactly is an “incentive bonus” for MVP?  At this point I hope its a move to Raw.

Kizarny.  I can’t wait.  This could be a cool crazy gimmick up there with Waylon Mercy and Sean O’Haire.  Unfortunately, it’ll probably last just as long as those previous ones.

Kenny Dykstra and Ryan Braddock?  Guys, you have ECW right there.  Its a show to help these young talents improve and become main eventers.  It works too, look at the success you’ve had with Miz, John Morrison, and Evan Bourne.  Move these guys over there, please.

The Great Khali and Runjin Singh come out.  Talk about Johnny Knoxville and Jackass.  They show the Khali kiss cam from Raw.  Khali destroys three independent wrestlers.  Ok, he destroys one of them, the other two run out of the ring.  They bring in a woman from the audience to kiss Khali on the Khali Kiss Cam.  They find a rather large fan to come into the ring, she’s dressed like well, like a wrestling fan.  Khali kisses her in his best acting since The Longest Yard.

I can see the glass ceiling, and the ladder to reach it, from here for Smackdown.  Triple H at the top.  Undertaker (now looking weak) and Big Show (bossed around by a woman) right below.  Jeff Hardy below that, with a foot on his fingers, trying to kick him down a notch.  Shelton, MVP, and Truth — amazing talents all — are feuding over the Black US title.  Any young talents are given comedic gimmicks, so fans don’t take them too seriously, or no wins — thus no push.  But those saying, “there are no new stars” the gods of the WWE Universe will point to Vladmir Kozlov.  That’s the best you can give me?  A Cold War- era recycled gimmick with a wrestler not nearly as talented as past Russians.

Where is my current heel?  Someone from the Middle East?  From North Korea?  A rich billionaire who is buying up mortgages and forcing people out of their homes.  Get really controversial, have Finlay and Hornswoggle dress up as priests, yet still invite children into the ring with them.  Don’t do anything further than that, you won’t need to.  But a Russian?  Where is that a threat besides Atlanta?  (See, Atlanta is in the state of Georgia, while Russia is fighting with its neighboring country also named Georgia.  Also, WCW was based in Atlanta, thus giving me two jokes for the price of one.)

Of course, even if we had that heel, Triple H would squash him.

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WWE – Smackdown tapings for August 15, 2008.

from Rajah.com:

Dark Match:
* Elijah Burke b. Stevie Richards
– The match was slow throughout & the crowd could have cared less. Burke got the win via pinfall.
* A SmackDown vs. Raw 2008 video game highlight package is shown.

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WWE Saturday Night’s Main Event (thoughts and results) August 2, 2008.

Quick Results:

JBL, Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiasie, Kane vs. Cryme Tyme, John Cena and Batista

JBL pins JTG

Great Khali vs. Jimmy Wang Yang

Khali pins Wang

Jeff Hardy vs. Edge

Edge pins Hardy

The “autism” edition of SNME aired tonight, and it was a terrible night for wrestling.  Three matches, one of which featured the Great Khali so… you know.  No ECW, no title matches, no Triple H, no Shawn Michaels, no Undertaker, no Chris Jericho, no Divas, no announcements.  CM Punk still doesn’t have an opponent for Summerslam, one of the biggest PPVs of the year.  If WWE doesn’t care enough about this show to put on anything good, then why should I care?  Well, because I write and run a wrestling site that’s why.  But why should the general public care?  Let’s look at the show in detail:

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are the announcers for the evening.  Excellent choice, as they are arguably the greatest duo in wrestling history.  For the opening match they are joined by CM Punk.  Punk does an acceptable job on the headset, but to further what?  We still don’t know who he’s facing at Summerslam.  There was no highlight video, no hype, no best of, not even a “look at how CM Punk became champion”.  Four of the eight men in this match are not well known main eventers — those that the NBC audience might know — and we’re given no reason to care.  If I’m a casual fan I’ve been given no reason to care about half of the wrestlers, and barely any reason for the other half.

Jim Ross tries to hype various NBC shows to little effect.  If I’m not already watching these (which I’m not) he’s given me no reason to start now.

Jeff Foxworthy, Carmen Electra, and Ben Stiller give pre-taped messages about autism.  Now, how to say this delicately?  Are these the best choices of celebrities for autism awareness?  Characteristics of autism include impaired communication and repetitve behavior.  Well, there are few forms of repetitive behavior more repetitve than repeating “you might be a redneck” jokes for the last 20 years.  Or running on a beach in slow motion, or repeatedly dating men that are bad for you.  As far as impaired communication… well I’ve yet to laugh at a Ben Stiller movie, so apparently there’s some sort of mis-communication between us.

The Great Khali “wrestled” tonight.  This is still a wrestling show, the company is not called World Sports-Entertainment Entertainment.  And what better wrestler than Khali?  I get it, he’s big, he’s a freak of nature.  But so is a person born with an extra arm, or their unborn twin’s face growing out of their skull, and I don’t need to see any of them fighting for a world title.

I’ll give Jenny McCarthy all the credit in the world for the work she’s done with autism over the last couple years.  She went from a dumb pretty blonde to an intelligent woman that has used her fame for a greater good.  While the celebrity help she had tonight was lack luster, she has been amazing all the way.

The Jeff Hardy/Edge match never seemed to click tonight.  They’ve fought many times and had many great matches, but this was a forgettable one.  The best part was MVP’s escape through the crowd.  He viciously attacks Jeff and then politely makes his way through the crowd.  Excuse me, ‘scuse me, pardon me, watch your feet, ‘scuse me.  The heel with so much bling he has a heart of gold.

A disappointing show overall, and yet another reason to view the NBC/WWE experiment as a failure.

WWE – Smackdown spoilers for August 1, 2008.


* Jim Ross & Mick Foley are out to a huge pop.

* The “Cutting Edge” will return tonight with an unannounced special guest.

* MVP has some words with Jeff Hardy at ringside.

* MVP b. Jimmy Wang Yang
– This was a squash match. MVP got the win via pinfall. After it was over Hardy attacked MVP for his comments he made last week.

* Ken Kennedy b. Shelton Benjamin
Kennedy got the win via pinfall in a non-title match.

* Brian Kendrick b. Stevie Richards
– Kendrick got the win via pinfall. The live crowd could have cared less.

* The Great Khali b. Jeff Hardy
MVP came out and distracted Hardy, which caused Khali to get the win. Lots of “you can’t wrestle” chants.

* Maria b. Victoria
– This was Maria’s SmackDown debut. She got the win via pinfall.

* Big Show b. Domino
– This was another squash match. Big Show got the win with a chokeslam. After the match Umaga comes out to the ring and has a staredown with Big Show.

* The Cutting Edge is up next with a special guest, Mick Foley. Edge has a table, ladder, and chair in the ring. Edge talks about his upcoming Hell in a Cell Match at SummerSlam against the Undertaker. He asks Mick for help. Mick denies and they begin fighting. Edge puts Foley on a table and climbs up the ladder with a chair. He jumps off onto Foley. The show goes off the air.

Saturday Night’s Main Event Spoilers (airing August 2, 2008.)

Dark Match:
* Paul London b. Charlie Haas
– London comes out with a new haircut. He got the win after hitting a shooting star press.

* Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler make their way out to ringside.

Saturday Night’s Main Event: (Airing This Saturday)
* CM Punk comes out to a huge pop with the title belt around his waist as he joins Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross.

* JBL, Cody Rhodes, Kane, and Ted DiBiase Jr. b. John Cena, Cryme Tyme, and Batista.
– JBL got the win after pinning JTG.

* A video of Carmen Electra is shown speaking on autism.

* The Great Khali b. Jimmy Wang Yang.
Khali won via pinfall in a squash match.

* A video of Jeff Foxworthy is shown speaking on autism.

* Jenny McCarthy is on her way out to ringside.

* Edge b. Jeff Hardy
Edge got the win with the spear after MVP came out and kicked Jeff in the head.