Episode 6 of Jump the Smarks – Swagger Like Us.

Summerslam fallout, championship scrambles, and John Cena surgery?? Oh My. Team Hellion discuss the happenings of wrestling and also deliver that sweet sweet TNA. Apparently the boys here have a hatred for Victoria which is now be unearthed. Also a preview of things to come next week at the end of this weeks episode.

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Hellions Magazine presents Jump the Smarks Episode 5: We’ll Do It In Post!!!

Team Hellion brings the wrestling to the masses once again. SummerSlam is upon us and has the build up been good? Edge vs. HHH who is the better wrestler? Does the Hellion have a crush on CM Punk? How do you get your girlfriend into wrestling? Can Kevin get you laid by introducing your girlfriend into wrestling? All these questions and much more are answered in this weeks episode.

WWE Saturday Night’s Main Event (thoughts and results) August 2, 2008.

Quick Results:

JBL, Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiasie, Kane vs. Cryme Tyme, John Cena and Batista

JBL pins JTG

Great Khali vs. Jimmy Wang Yang

Khali pins Wang

Jeff Hardy vs. Edge

Edge pins Hardy

The “autism” edition of SNME aired tonight, and it was a terrible night for wrestling.  Three matches, one of which featured the Great Khali so… you know.  No ECW, no title matches, no Triple H, no Shawn Michaels, no Undertaker, no Chris Jericho, no Divas, no announcements.  CM Punk still doesn’t have an opponent for Summerslam, one of the biggest PPVs of the year.  If WWE doesn’t care enough about this show to put on anything good, then why should I care?  Well, because I write and run a wrestling site that’s why.  But why should the general public care?  Let’s look at the show in detail:

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are the announcers for the evening.  Excellent choice, as they are arguably the greatest duo in wrestling history.  For the opening match they are joined by CM Punk.  Punk does an acceptable job on the headset, but to further what?  We still don’t know who he’s facing at Summerslam.  There was no highlight video, no hype, no best of, not even a “look at how CM Punk became champion”.  Four of the eight men in this match are not well known main eventers — those that the NBC audience might know — and we’re given no reason to care.  If I’m a casual fan I’ve been given no reason to care about half of the wrestlers, and barely any reason for the other half.

Jim Ross tries to hype various NBC shows to little effect.  If I’m not already watching these (which I’m not) he’s given me no reason to start now.

Jeff Foxworthy, Carmen Electra, and Ben Stiller give pre-taped messages about autism.  Now, how to say this delicately?  Are these the best choices of celebrities for autism awareness?  Characteristics of autism include impaired communication and repetitve behavior.  Well, there are few forms of repetitive behavior more repetitve than repeating “you might be a redneck” jokes for the last 20 years.  Or running on a beach in slow motion, or repeatedly dating men that are bad for you.  As far as impaired communication… well I’ve yet to laugh at a Ben Stiller movie, so apparently there’s some sort of mis-communication between us.

The Great Khali “wrestled” tonight.  This is still a wrestling show, the company is not called World Sports-Entertainment Entertainment.  And what better wrestler than Khali?  I get it, he’s big, he’s a freak of nature.  But so is a person born with an extra arm, or their unborn twin’s face growing out of their skull, and I don’t need to see any of them fighting for a world title.

I’ll give Jenny McCarthy all the credit in the world for the work she’s done with autism over the last couple years.  She went from a dumb pretty blonde to an intelligent woman that has used her fame for a greater good.  While the celebrity help she had tonight was lack luster, she has been amazing all the way.

The Jeff Hardy/Edge match never seemed to click tonight.  They’ve fought many times and had many great matches, but this was a forgettable one.  The best part was MVP’s escape through the crowd.  He viciously attacks Jeff and then politely makes his way through the crowd.  Excuse me, ‘scuse me, pardon me, watch your feet, ‘scuse me.  The heel with so much bling he has a heart of gold.

A disappointing show overall, and yet another reason to view the NBC/WWE experiment as a failure.

Saturday Night’s Main Event Spoilers (airing August 2, 2008.)

Dark Match:
* Paul London b. Charlie Haas
– London comes out with a new haircut. He got the win after hitting a shooting star press.

* Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler make their way out to ringside.

Saturday Night’s Main Event: (Airing This Saturday)
* CM Punk comes out to a huge pop with the title belt around his waist as he joins Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross.

* JBL, Cody Rhodes, Kane, and Ted DiBiase Jr. b. John Cena, Cryme Tyme, and Batista.
– JBL got the win after pinning JTG.

* A video of Carmen Electra is shown speaking on autism.

* The Great Khali b. Jimmy Wang Yang.
Khali won via pinfall in a squash match.

* A video of Jeff Foxworthy is shown speaking on autism.

* Jenny McCarthy is on her way out to ringside.

* Edge b. Jeff Hardy
Edge got the win with the spear after MVP came out and kicked Jeff in the head.

WWE – Mike Adamle screws up.

When Shane McMahon’s music hit on Raw last night, Mike Adamle pretty much gave away who the new General Manager of Raw was going to be to the live audience. When the music hit, he strangely left the commentary position and grabbed a ring mic, only to be told to go back to the booth.

Now, while this may have looked strange to the live audience, on TV it came across well.  The camera was on Shane the entire time and when it switched to Adamle standing between John Cena and Batista, the TV audience popped.  There he was, looking cocky and confident, standing between two of the biggest stars in the WWE and about to stir stuff up.

WWE Night of Champions card and thoughts.

Triple Threat match for the ECW Championship: Kane (c) vs. Big Show vs. Mark Henry
WWE Championship: Triple H (c) vs. John Cena
World Tag Team Championship: Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes (c) vs. Ted DiBiase and TBD
World Heavyweight Championship: Edge (c) vs. Batista
WWE Diva’s Championship: Natalya vs. TBD
This match will inaugurate SmackDown’s WWE Diva’s Championship by determining the first champion.
WWE Tag Team Championship: John Morrison and The Miz (c) vs. Finlay and Hornswoggle
WWE United States Championship: Matt Hardy (c) vs. Chavo Guerrero
WWE Women’s Championship: Mickie James (c) vs. Katie Lea Burchill
WWE Intercontinental Championship Chris Jericho (c) vs. TBD

The biggest question at this point is who will fill the blanks in some of these matches.  Three matches are missing an opponent.  Here are some possibilities:

WWE Divas title:  After this week’s Smackdown Six Diva tag match that Vickie Guerrero paid next to no attention to, I would think that the front runner to face Natalya is Vickie’s “wedding planner”  Alicia Fox.

WWE Intercontinental title:  The big guess is that Shawn Michaels will make a dramatic return to beat down Chris Jericho.  Another possibility would be a heel swerve by Jericho in which he lays down and lets Lance Cade pin him.  In one move, it puts over Cade, gives him a belt to get over, and frees up Jericho to feud over the World title.

World Tag Team Championship:  Assuming Ted Dibiasie’s partner will also be a second or third generation wrestler, there are a few possibilities in WWE.  It could still be DH Smith, and his draft move was just a swerve.  Cody Rhodes could be bought off and turn on Hardcore Holly.  Or, flying under the radar are two other 2nd generation wrestlers.  Deuce, recently traded to Raw, is the adopted son of Jimmy Superfly Snuka.  Also, Jesse from Smackdown is the son of the late Freebird, Terry Gordy.

We’ll find out tomorrow night.

WWE Smackdown Tapings for June 27, 2008.

Dark Match:
* Tommy Dreamer b. Kevin Thorn after hitting a DDT.

WWE SmackDown: (Airing This Friday)
* Mick Foley makes his way out to ringside. So far, no sign of Jim Ross.

* SmackDown opens with Vickie Guerrero nearly in tears talking about Vince McMahon’s “accident.” She receives a lot of heat and wishes Vince well. She says she hopes he’s not in a wheelchair. She announces new SmackDown color commentator, Jim Ross. He makes his way out to ringside as the crowd explodes!

* Triple H comes out to cut a promo. He gets a huge pop. Triple H welcomes Jim Ross to SmackDown by saying he is the best and he’s glad he came with him. He the talks about Night of Champions. Edge comes out to interrupt him. He tells Triple H that they can get both get along. Hunter disagrees by saying that both have too big of egos and that Edge won’t have the World Championship after Sunday’s Night of Champions pay-per-view.

Edge combats by saying this is his house and that Triple H needs to respect him. Batista then comes out. Hunter then pushes Edge and Batista hits him. They both hold the title up while Edge is on the ground.

* Rey Mysterio’s last appearance on SmackDown is announced for tonight.

* Big Show & Kane b. MVP & Mark Henry
The match was back and forth throughout. MVP tagged himself in and got in trouble with Kane. He tried to leave but Mark Henry threw him back in. Kane pins him for the win.

* Finlay & Hornswoggle b. Zack Ryder & Kurt Hawkins
Huge pop for Finlay & Hornswoggle. The match was pretty much one sided throughout and Finlay & Hornswoggle take the win. The Miz & John Morrison stand on the entrance ramp with their belts.

* Edge b. Matt Hardy
I’m told this was a pretty decent match throughout. Lots of holds and counter holds. Edge wins with a spear after several near falls. Lots of crowd heat on Edge.

* Maryse, Victoria, & Natalya b. Kelly Kelly, Michelle McCool, & Cherry
The match was back and forth throughout. The crowd could have cared less. After all the divas get involved Maryse gets the roll up pin on Cherry for the win!

* It is announced that Kennedy won’t be on SmackDown until next week.

* Vladimir Kozlov b. Domino
Real quick match. Heat on both Superstars.

* Rey Mysterio comes out wearing street clothes and his mask. He explains to the fans that he has been drafted to Monday Night Raw and he hopes everyone will tune in weekly to watch him. He goes on to say hopefully he can fulfill more of his dreams.

Batista then comes out and says he will back Rey wherever he goes.

* Batista vs. Umaga
Umaga has control early on. The match moves slowly. Zack Ryder & Kurt Hawkins come running out while Edge grabs his belt. La Familia beat Umaga.

Triple H comes out and helps Batista clean house.  Pedigree and Batista Bomb on Zack Ryder & Kurt Hawkins.

Batista grabs the mic and said at first he was upset about the Draft. Triple H then told him he was going to do good on Raw. SmackDown goes off the air.